Do you see him in the clouds?

…or were you not looking for the milk again?

I am a cook at a Nursing Home/Rehab center, and unlike traditional cooks I get very close to my residents and spend as much time as I can talking to them. Lately I have been tasked with taking them out for the after-dinner cigarette break. I always used to hate the idea of having to go out on the patio and sit with smokers, but I figured I might as well enjoy it since I have to do it anyway. I’m glad I did.

It’s given me an opportunity to sit and talk to residents I don’t usually have time to sit and talk with. It has lead to some hysterical conversations and even a few deep and emotional conversations. I mentioned in one of my other posts about how four of us discussed death and the afterlife. The other night I had such a conversation though, that I simply must share it.

One of my residents (let’s call her TT) lost her husband who also lived here about five or six months ago (let’s call him J). I was sitting on the patio lighting cigarettes and talking to the residents as they came out. TT got her cigarettes and sat right next to me quietly, waiting for an opportunity to talk again. Once again we talked about how hard it is to lose someone you love. She told me the story of how she met J and how she was convinced it helped her life get better. You could see the emotions building up behind her soft eyes as she opened up to someone. I realized they don’t have many people to talk to, and I was one of the employees that have been here long enough to not only know J but to appreciate how charming and funny he was.

It was a beautiful hot day, and even though it was about 6pm the sun was still glistening through the clouds which were perfectly white against a perfectly blue sky. She had asked on my opinions on spirits, heaven and hell and a few other things.

I do believe in Heaven, and I feel like Heaven becomes what you expect of it. Everybody’s heaven is different and you see all the people you WANT to see when you get there. I also believe in reincarnation, and that you have to go through many lives before your soul gets to rest in heaven. [The book Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian L Weiss M.D is a very interesting read that shares a similar concept, I suggest you read it or at least Google it.] I shared these thoughts with TT and she nodded along quietly as she puffed on her cigarettes. She told me she was raised Roman Catholic like me, but she stuck to those views on heaven. She went to Catholic school for 12 years and it had been drilled in her head, so that’s what she believes.

She was just about to head back inside, and I saw her pause and look back at the sky and she said to me so humbly and honestly:

“Sometimes, I feel like an idiot…I keep looking at the clouds expecting to see J in the clouds…”

I stopped her right there and said “Don’t think of it as stupid. Let me tell you something, I could be looking in the fridge for something to eat and close the door. My aunt would ask me ‘Do we have any milk in the fridge?’ and I wouldn’t know. She’d get mad, ‘How do you not know? You were just looking in the fridge!’. I didn’t see the milk because I wasn’t looking for it. It could have been right in my face but because I wasn’t looking for it I didn’t see it. Stuff like that happens all the time. If you’re not looking for stuff sometimes you won’t see it or notice it, even if it’s right in front of your face. That’s how spirits work TT. If you don’t look for the signs then you’ll never notice them. Signs are right in front of some people and they just don’t see them because they refuse to look.”

She nodded deeply as I could see her digesting what I said, and a few other residents near by seemed to understand and agree with the sentiment as I heard a few ‘yeahs’ and saw some heads nod. I then told her about my experience with the Pennies From Heaven. She looked so shocked and the other residents also started getting enthralled in the story.

I like to take both sides of an argument and told her, maybe it was all just a coincidence too. She shook her head ‘no’, “That’s too many coincidences” she told me firmly. She looked back up at the clouds one last time, thanked me and went inside.

I remember reading once that Magic only works if you believe in it, it’s like the Law of Attraction. I feel like the same is true with Spirits and Psychics. If you go into it believing that it’s phony then chances are you’ll have no experiences or a poor experience. However, if you believe or are open minded you might notice more connections or even have a positive moving experience.

You can call it coincidence and argue it away, or you can take it for what it is. A strange occurrence that’s hard to explain. I wish I could tell you that after that talk she looked at the sky and immediately saw J in the clouds, but she didn’t. She did however tell me her own story.

“Every night before I used to go to bed, I’d ask J to wake me up at a specific time, because he always woke up first. Even though he’s gone I’ll ask him to wake me up right before I go to bed, and I always wake up right when I asked to. Last night I said ‘J wake me up at 7am’ and sure enough I woke up at 6:59 this morning. He does it everyday still.”

It’s very possible that her circadian rhythm is waking her up at specific times even without an alarm clock…but maybe, just maybe, J wakes her up every morning to make sure that her days go as closely to plan as possible without her.

Your homework for this post: Stay open. Notice more. You never know who might be around you that you just can’t see.

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