Classic Post #8: DEEP THINKING

DEEP THINKING

Feb. 20th, 2007 | 11:12 pm
I I’m hearing: Living On A Prayer- Bon Jovi

It’s been a while since I have written a lengthy meaningful update in blog. Mostly it’s been nothing more than “Today this happened” most of them have been void of feeling or anything like that…so let’s delve a little deeper.

I feel comfortable with life. I feel like I have reached a point in my life where I’m relatively satisfied with the goals I have. Here’s my three goals which I plan to achieve before graduation.

1.) Loose at least 20 pounds (I’m aiming for 30) It’s an achievable goal and I’m at a point where I feel I can do anything. I think if I actually try I can loose the weight.  No more Soda (even if it’s diet.) won’t have any unless it’s some sort of special occasion. I’m worried less about what I eat and more about how much I eat. So PORTIONS are my big thing. And I’m starting tomorrow.

2.) Spend Less: I’ve been working for about 5 months now…and I only have $150 in the bank. Yes, it’s nice to have what I like…but what happens when I REALLY NEED something. From now on purchases will be made on a Necessary bases. With only one purchase per month that’s just you know….a gift for me or something…. so $50 a month for me….everything else is saving.

3.) Finish a Novel: I have like 5 novels that are half started. I just started a new one in fact. I would like to finish at least one by May/June. I’m not saying I want it published or anything. Just o have finished it.

So those are my three goals…and I think all three are really good and really helpful

So let’s look at life. 
Boys: like 6….can’t make a choice…don’t feel like making one. I’m kinda happy with my life now. I mean I would love a boyfriend but only if they are they way they are pictured in my head. No drama and loads of love. As for the sex….it’s fun to talk about but I honestly don’t think I’m ready for it yet……maybe

Family: Noni is getting worse and much more annoying. I like it when she stays at my aunts. My aunt and I haven’t chilled in a while so I’m thinking of surprising her and staying over her house this weekend. Someone (possible me) lost the keys for the back gate and now the whole family is having a conniption (including me) and they all assume I lost it. I don’t know where it could be…and I really want to find it even if it is my fault. Bosco…should poison himself. He’s cute and funny but he damages more things then he’s worth. Alexander and I are bonding like whoa. But he went to my aunts. Mom and I are butting heads A LOT more….but we still love each other. So family is like an 8/10

Friends: Oh man….not even going there…let’s just say. You learn a lot about friends when Money is a factor. I lean back and think about all my friends New ones Old ones…the ones that never left….and I really think this says it best. 

They are the family you choose. I have chosen them…and they are family. I know I let you guys down sometime…but I wouldn’t be where I am, who am I am, or alive at all if it weren’t for all of you. Some of you I could do without….but some of you without i could not do. Capiche?

Work: What can I say…I been getting crappy hours but I love it there. They respect me and my managers love me. I work hard and I play hard. It’s a nice feeling to know that sometimes people NEED you. 

Everything else: My cliques….i miss them…

The Bus Gang
The Eastie Guys
The New Bus Gang
The Gay Mafia
The GSA
The French Beans and Queer Duck
The Tic-Tac Avengers

Some of them are strong…some are gone….and it looks like one is starting to regroup….

Maybe I’m being optimistic…or whatever you want to call it….but it looks like the GM is slowly regrouping….

Sunday 9-8-19
{Wow, what an interesting blog to find. I haven’t read this blog since back when I wrote it so I’m revisiting a lot of these posts for the first time in over a decade and it’s funny to see the changes in me. I think when I said I was comfortable with my life I think I was really trying to convince myself as well as others. Also it drives me nuts that most of the times that I use “I” it’s lowercase. It’s such a small thing and I can’t believe how many times I do it in these older posts

I never ended up losing that 20 pounds in high school, in fact I ended up putting on more weight. Right around this time I was still around the 360 pound mark, and it wouldn’t be 2016 that I got below that mark again. I spent most of my high school years weighing in the high 300s.

I got a better handle on my money, but that didn’t really happen until 2008. I’m not rich by any means necessary but I stopped thinking that I had to buy myself gifts every time I got a paycheck. Oh man, to be a teenager again and have no actual bills would be amazing. To think I thought it was overwhelming.

I didn’t finish any of those novels, and I’m sure all 5 have been lost to the ages somewhere. It does go to show how long I’ve been wanting to write a book. I’m glad I’m finally buckling down and actually working on my writing. Both in novel form and here on this blog.

I feel so bad for how poorly I thought about my grandmother and Bosco. Bosco has since gone to doggy heaven and in his later years he and I really got close. He became my dog which is unusual because when an animal picks their owner they are tight forever. He and I found ourselves bonding. My poor grandmother, even though I knew she was dealing with Dementia I was so mean in my reception of it. I’d give anything to go back to when she was “annoying”. I’m so glad I grew out of that selfish phase and have become much more understanding, patient, and calm. My grandmother has significantly declined since then and I’m grateful that even after over a decade of dealing with dementia she is semi-functional. She doesn’t speak much but she still recognizes me, and although she doesn’t walk much she still can hug and kiss.

The difference time makes on perspective is astounding, I’m very glad I have these old blogs to look back on and realize not only that I’ve grown but I really was a little shit in my teenage years. I was confused and angry and upset.

Also I can guarantee the 6 guys that I think were interested in me were most certainly not anywhere close to being interested in me. That’s just my mindset from back then. Any male that talks to me is obviously trying to date me.

I still think that friends are the family you choose but I don’t think you need whole cliques of friends to be satisfied. You only need a few friends in your life to really be there for you. Some of whom I still speak to from way back then.

When I look back at who I was, as a person, it almost embarrasses me sometimes. Then I realize that I shouldn’t be embarrassed, I should be proud. I may have had issues, and a poor outlook on life but I grew. I grew out of that mind-set and I grew more compassionate and understanding. Not just to others around me but to myself as well. I have friends from my past who I no longer speak to, and I wish they could see me for how much I’ve changed.

To all those that stayed my friends through my awkward, dark, mean, or just crazy days I thank you. You helped me become the Mister Magnifico I am today.

I hope reading these classic posts help you see how much you can change. A lot can happen in a single day. A year has a million things that can happen to change and help you grow. A decade has countless things. So in your life, just imagine the difference between who you were, who you are, and who you will be.}

Muhammad Ali was a very intelligent man

What are you thoughts on Classic Posts? Would you like to see more of them or less of them? Feedback would be appreciate either as comments or privately in the contact me section.

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