Classic Post #2: Randomness

Randomness

Feb. 5th, 2011 | 10:27 pm

{This post was edited 7-8-19 for grammatical reasons and to censor names used. the rest of this post is as it was written 8 years ago}

When I was in High School I took an AP writing course. I almost didn’t make it, but 1 person dropped out and that was all it took for me to be able to take the class. I was so happy I literally hugged the department head. That’s not the point though, anyway the point of the story is a tip I got. I can’t remember if it was Ms. Skerritt or Ms. Palmer but the tip itself stayed in my head. On occasion we’d have timed writing assignments. You’d be given a set amount of time to write a certain thing. And that would be what you would turn in at the end of the class. You had to have the rough and final draft done by the end of the class. Her tip was “Don’t think in terms of what you need to write, or paragraph formats. Just write. Sit there and write and write and write don’t pause or think just vent even if you find yourself writing absolutely nothing that makes sense. Then go back and choose the good stuff and put that in your final draft.”

That’s what I’m going to do now, there’s not going to be a final draft or any editing done but instead of thinking of what I want to write about i think I’m just going to schpeel and see what happens.

So I’m sitting here sipping on Malibu with Apple Juice as I watch the UFC match with my brother. I don’t think I’m really interested in either one but I’m just here absorbing some people. I spend some time with A today, and also with my aunt and N. I had an incident with D today which was really quite difficult. But I feel like I did the right thing, and I don’t want to get into any details because its not really anyone’s business but I know 2 things.

1.) If we really care about each other than this too shall pass and we will be closer than ever.

2.) I don’t like drama or fighting, I wouldn’t start either unless it had to be done.

So that’s been on my mind today for the most part, but I’m doing OK and I’m strong which is nice. My whole life I’ve sort of been dependent on other people to be happy or strong, but now I’m doing OK. Granted I’m WITH family but I’m not really talking to them. I’m on my own, on the laptop just sort of writing and looking for any freelance stuff on Craigslist. Nothing I’d be interested or good at. (Sorry M)

I see my older brother and the things he does and says sometimes and I can clearly see that we are all related. The constant stream of non-sequitur is quite amusing and really makes me feel like I’m not the only one in the world who’s fucking crazy. I also see a lot of myself in my mother. My hoarding and partial disorganization. I also see my aunt in me too. The manic person with the partial OCD. It’s amazing when you see your family in you, yet at the same time I’m so different than any of them. I’m different than most anyone. Have you ever met a person like me before? I mean sit there and think about it.

Today at work was a pretty good day for the most part. I came in humming and in a good mood. Wasn’t too crazy with the work and managed to get some more reading done. I’m currently reading Bright Lights Big Ass by an author named—sorry my older brother just ran up to the bird cage and screamed in gibberish before pseudo karate chopping it, and i had to mention it– anyway I’m reading a book by this lady named Jen Lancaster, she’s great. The book is basically a memoir type of thing. I think I could do something like that but most of the stuff that happen to me is only funny if you’re there. I hate situations like that, it makes me feel like I should be video taping my entire life as it goes by. It would be awesome if you could browse through the DVD collection of your life.

OMG REMEMBER WHAT YOU DID LAST THURSDAY!? OMG SO HE LOST THE OFFICE DOOR! HERE WATCH!

I actually did loose an office door once, it was behind me, but I somehow thought it had vanished. Yeah go figure, that’s why they promoted me to Supervisor. “Well, what are his qualifications.” “Lets see, he’s spelled his first name incorrectly today, he’s constantly late, can’t seem to keep his uniform clean, tidy or tucked. He lost an office door once and is extremely moody.”

“OK, so lets make him a supervisor. Make him come in at 4:30 in the morning and deny him coffee.”

well lets just say the denying me coffee thing didn’t last very long, it wasn’t long before they were buying it FOR me.

It doesn’t take to make me happy in any aspect. I do have a massive headache right now, and an Excedrin would make me happy. But there’s a flight of stairs in the way, and well. Yeah so I’ll just deal with the headache.

What makes me tick? What keeps me going. I like to hear and see people laughing. One of the greatest things in the world is laughter. It just seems to make everything better. You could be sobbing hysterically and something funny will happen and you will loose everything for a second and just laugh. All the sorrow will be gone and you’ll laugh and laugh. And during those laughs there’s no pain, no deep thoughts, no plotting, no struggles. Just joy. I can bring that to people. I do that a lot. I bring these moments into peoples lives. People who are in the darkest places and they talk to me and I make it OK. It doesn’t fix the issue but it makes it a little easier to get by.

I don’t mean to call her out, but I’d like to briefly talk about a friend of mine named M. People often ask me “How do you have friends who are older than you?” Well M was faced with a tragedy. We had a mutual friend. I honestly don’t know how she came upon my MySpace blogs but she started reading them. They made her laugh and they made her cry. She was touched at the incredibly insightful thoughts that such a young person could have. We started talking and she became one of the driving inspirations in my life. She’s a wonderful woman who’ been there for me more than I could imagine. Who’d think? See sometimes the people you think will be major players in your life will come and go, and it’s those people in the background that really shine through some times.

Well I’m off because I’m getting really hot and I’ve got the munchies. I really didn’t eat much today so I think I’m going to get something to munch on.

I’m definitely going to be in the mood to write so give me some ideas of what to write about. Suggestions or questions to inspire me and I’ll do the best I can.

Take care y’all and remember

The lord never guarantees a tomorrow.

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